Happiness Reserve Temperature (HRT)

Recently, my operations team spent about four weeks undertaking the grueling task of updating every production system we manage to reflect the new daylight savings time schedule introduced by Congress. As much as I've complained about it (knowing it will do absolutely no good), I've actually been told that I'm short-sighted. The goal of this shift is to make better use of daylight and while all is fine with that and most Americans can just given into "the man" and say "we shift 'cause we always have." However, this year, they decided that we must shift at a different time -- this time to save energy. Every time I comment negatively, I'm told that its a good thing. So, I decided to embrace this concept and use what I've learned to help others.

Misdiagnosed Unhappiness

What I had assumed during this endeavor is that my operations team was unhappy dealing with a stupid shift in time and even more unhappy in hacking the time zone files on hundreds of machines running open and closed source OS versions that are no longer supported and applying patches to hundreds of OSs that are supported by their respective vendors. But, I shall recall, it could not have been the time shift as that is a "good thing." So, I went digging for a reason and found a paper relating happiness to climate.

Now, while I did not find this paper very compelling, I decided that this was the time to drink the Kool-Aid for the greater good.

What I have come to realize is that our operations team was not unhappy about nonsensical timezone adjustments. No... they were instead unhappy due to the unusually cold temperatures in the Maryland area during that time.

Making Sense from Nonsense

So, learning from the daylight savings time lesson... Does shifting the clock actually make more sunshine? No -- I refuse to drink that sort of Kool-Aid. What it does is allow people to enjoy the sunshine at 7pm, because the sun just isn't the same when it is 6pm outside... er... Well it is the same if you didn't change the time, but you get my point. Instead of telling people to work from 8am to 4pm during the summer instead of 9am to 5pm, we lie to them and tell them it's actually 9pm GMT instead of 9pm GMT... er... 5pm EDT instead of 4pm EST... you get my point.

It is clear to me now that without being lied to is the key. People simply can't comprehend that adjusting the clock doesn't actually manufacture new sunlight. So... we should lie about the temperature to bolster average happiness. It's not really a lie, right? It's just an "adjustment" to make better use of "heat". It doesn't actually produce more heat, but hey, if it works for time, why not for temperature?

Introducing Happiness Standard Tempterature (HST) and Happiness Reserve Temperature (HRT)

Henceforce, during the Fall time shift, all thermometers will be "set forward" 10 degrees Celcius (18 degrees Fahrenheit). You'll know you did it right if your water boils at 110 (or 230F). During the Spring time shift, thermometers will be set back to "normal" (water boils at 100 / 212F). With this adjustment, you'll be cracking ice of your car, watching your breath freeze into ice crystals and be thinking, "It's only 50F outisde, that's not so cold."

With the introduction of HRT during the winter months, I predict happier populace across the United States (and Canada, because they just do what we do anyway).


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